Had an absolutely amazing time last weekend, haven't been able to update the blog because it has been a real whirlwind over here. But, here we are now so everyone can calm down. Just kidding, no one really reads this.
Before you read any of this (mom, Beth, Lucy), please note that I had a lovely time and would 100% live on this island. It was absolutely marvelous and I am so goddamn lucky. But I experienced some things that gave me a bit of an exestential crisis and instead of writing about how much I loved it, I am keeping that in my heart and instead felt the need to explore the crisis feeling and I'm glad I did. So please don't think I'm ungrateful for the experience.
OK GO
My lovely cousin Anna (of Spin the Globe Project fame) just left her several month stay in Central America where she was filming a documentary on ethical tourism while also being an ethical tourist, and since we were so close by she came for a visit! She was a huge source of inspiration to me to make this huge move to another country and it was her bravery and confidence in herself (and me!) that made me realize this is a thing that people can actually do. I was so grateful to have her stay with us!
Once she arrived, she proposed we visit Isla Holbox (pronounced "Holbosh") because it is relatively close and it is whale shark season! There are very few places in the world that you can see the whale sharks when they are feeding and they only feed for a few months near us. This was something Anna had always wanted to do and Johnny and want to take advantage of every opportunity and explore all that we can in the time and circumstances that we are so fortunate to be given.
So, I busted out my credit card, found a place for Faye to stay (in a very fancy kennel) and we got in the car and Johnny drove us the 3 hours to Chiquila, a little town where you park your car and then take the ferry to Isla Holbox because no cars are allowed on the island! The drive was pretty and we talked the whole time. Then, we popped some Dramamine and hopped on the ferry. Then we were in Isla Holbox!
It was fiendishly hot and we sweated and walked the 10 minutes to the hostel where we had booked the whale shark tour. I busted out my credit card and we booked the tour for the next morning. We then waited outside for the lady who owns the AirBNB we were staying at to call and give us directions. This took a while. We sat on the steps of the hostel and watched the extremely good-looking Europeans in their swimsuits leisurely stroll out of the hostel and head towards the beach and the sweat started pooling in belly button and then, I am sorry to say, the hunger and the heat drained the very life out of our little party and we became quite bicker-y and a little snapp-y and overall bitch-y (well, some of us did. Johnny disappeared and came back with a coconut with a straw in it and then made jokes and danced. He was probably heat-crazed).
Finally, unable to procure a golf cart taxi (the only taxis on the island! But you have to have their direct number in order to get one! And we had no direct number!) we plodded in the general direction of the AirBNB on an island that we knew nothing of. Along the walk we glimpsed the glittering blue ocean in the distance, between trees, and as the sand slowly coated our legs we began to hallucinate... Just kidding it was fine. I got really stressed and hot and hungry and I was mad because I wasn't in control and my anxiety/general bitchiness got the best of me and I am not proud of myself for being miserable when I should have been so fucking appreciative of the life I have and the opportunities I followed and was given that allow me to visit a fucking gorgeous island. I am very sorry for my behavior and am ashamed of myself for being such a whiny, entitled jerk baby. Thank goodness for dancing Johnny.
We found the damn place and we threw all of our stuff down and it was very cute and beach-y and the secluded beach was only a 3 minute walk away I COULD TASTE IT but we were starving so we had to traipse back to the center and ate food and then walked back and THEN WE GOT TO THE BEACH OMG IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. The island is on the Mexican Caribbean so the waters are turquoise and crystal clear and the sand is pure white and it was an absolute dream. The beach by our Airbnb was isolated and beautiful and the most people we saw on the entire stretch was maybe 4.
The next morning we walked to the hostel bright and early and met our tour guide for the whale sharks! We hopped on the boat with 2 Swedish guys, 3 Swedish girls (separate parties) and 2 American ladies who were bilingual. I guess everyone was bilingual on that boat except for us now that I think about it. Americans, am I right?
We all popped some Dramamine and we were off! It was extremely uncomfortable and fast and that was about 2 hours. I felt a little sick but then felt better and finally WHALE SHARKS! This part was actually upsetting. It turns out that all the tour boats just go looking for the feeding pod and when they find it, they tell all the other boats and everyone circles the feeding pod and then the guide tells you to put on your flippers and your snorkel and get ready to go in pairs. Each pair only gets about 5 minutes in the water with the whale sharks. As soon as we started hastily getting ready and everyone was very excited and frantic, I felt my anxiety peak and I knew this was bad for the animals and I hated it. I turned to Johnny and said I can't do it. He said are you sure? And I felt in my heart it was wrong but I knew that I was there and I had to do it. A very strange moment of knowing in your gut something is wrong but still choosing to do it.
Also I should note at this time that I have never snorkeled before.
Ever.
The pairs began taking their turns. The whale sharks are absolutely massive (and completely harmless) and they swim about seemingly leisurely just at or below the surface with their cute mouths open as the suck in their food. Watching their backs along the water's surface was surreal - that we were directly above these massive animals who lived in a world so foreign and I was about to take a peek into this world, like steeping into another realm. Finally I looked at Johnny and said ok let's do it and we sat on the edge of the boat and put in our snorkels and a whale shark glided right by the boat and the guide said GO GO GO and we jumped in and I immediately swallowed sea water and began panicking BUT I did see the whale shark just a foot from my face, under the surface where everything is blue and like a dream you've already had, watching the massive tail swish to the side seemingly slowly but suddenly it was gone and the guide yelled BACK TO THE BOAT BACK and we swam back to the boat and climbed back on.
I felt elated, disgusted, sick, euphoric. The salt water coated my mouth and the boats swirled all around the whale sharks and all the guides on all the boats shouted GO GO to all the tourists jumping in the water to float above the whale sharks and the oceans slowly heated and the whale sharks decreased in number and the guides took their money to their families and the tourists got back on the planes.
I felt otherwordly and seasick and I wondered what a whale shark would say to me if I could suddenly read it's mind, like the snake in the cage in Harry Potter, trapped there unable to communicate and suddenly able to and knowing that only one person could hear it. I decided the whale shark wouldn't say anything. It would just roll its eyes and swim away.
Then Johnny threw up over the side of the boat.
So I asked Anna if she would like to go with me again instead, as Johnny was incapacitated. At the next turn, we jumped in again, and I didn't try to keep up with the whale shark as he swam away, I just held my breath (still unable to get my brain to understand how to breathe while my eyes were underwater) and watched his glistening gray body slide away into the deep blue.
I told him I was sorry, but he didn't care what I thought.
On the way back, Johnny turned white and kept his eyes shut. An hour in he suddenly became better and enjoyed the ride. We stopped at a shallow area where a lot sea life was swimming around. We all jumped in and I finally got the hang of snorkeling. Literally had to scream into my own brain "YOU CAN BREATHE IT IS OK JUST BREATHE SLOW I KNOW THAT YOUR EYES ARE UNDERWATER BUT I PROMISE IT IS OK YOU CAN BREATHE". Had to do this several times. Johnny was very impressive and he even dove down to look closer at the ocean floor. He is very graceful in the water. I love that I married someone who has hidden talents.
Then all the other boats showed up and everyone jumped in and splashed about and yelled "TURTLES" or "SHARKS" (small, harmless nurse sharks) and splashed over and onto each other.
It was lovely just paddling away from everyone, my ears and eyes underwater where I couldn't hear or see anyone, not looking for anything, not following any animal. It was awful knowing I had no right or reason to be there. There was nothing here for me. My being here was only hurtful to the little creatures that wanted to eat. I wanted to shut my eyes and throw away the flippers and the snorkel and the unnatural feeling of it all and swim as fast as I could away from everyone and into the ocean and not stop.
I know this has taken a dark turn. I had a really terrible feeling about it all. I know I may be projecting/being a bit dramatic, but it also feels true, at the core. I just want to be honest.
Anywho - we got back on the boat, went to ANOTHER little adorable island and had fresh ceviche that was prepared on the boat and tasted a bit like gasoline as it was prepared on top of the gasoline tank on the boat on the way to the little island and everyone complained but I thought it was an incredible detail, something only added into books for depth and description and here I was eating fresh ceviche that tasted like fresh ceviche and gasoline on an island and I wasn't in a book, I was in real life. Then I bought a cigarette off an old lady who worked on the island and seemed to be the only inhabitant and she was very grumpy and disdainful and I loved her for it. I smoked a cigarette with the Swedish fellows who were very friendly as I have discovered Swedish tourists to be, and then they went to flirt with the Swedish ladies and talk about partying in Cuba and going to a gigantic nightclub in Cancun. Then I talked to the two American ladies who were best friends and teachers from Texas, though they grew up in Mexico and were bilingual (which was helpful as they translated the finer points the guides were trying to tell us as we got ready to frantically jump in with the whale sharks). They were super nice.
Then we got back on the boat, floated around a mangrove, then went to see some flamingos sitting on a beach, and then headed home. I talked to the Swedish fellows some more, confused as to why they weren't trying to flirt with the Swedish gals more.
The rest of our days there were spent relaxing and putting on copious amounts of bug spray. The mosquitoes on the island were huge and painful and would not get off your skin unless you physically smeared them off of you. Johnny woke up early one morning and watched the sunrise. I like that I married a man who would wake up early to go by himself to watch the sunrise. Later that morning I went with him and we swam for hours on the shallow beach and watched the island dogs be the happiest dogs I have ever seen. They have collars and homes but they just wander the beach and jump in the water and play and chase seagulls and then run back to wherever they live.
It was an incredibly revealing experience. Both devastatingly lovely and terrifically confusing.
Whale sharks are endangered. Our guides seemed to follow most of the rules (can only be in the water 2 at a time plus a guide, do not touch the whale sharks, can only be in the water a short time) but not all (no sunscreen is allowed but they didn't tell the Swedish gals putting on sunscreen to stop, and no jumping in the water is allowed but we all jumped in). I will never bother a wild animal again but will continue to do all I can to support local businesses when I travel. I didn't know it would be so intrusive and make me feel so bad, but I also close my eyes and can see the depth of the blue and the ethereal gray of the whale and I am so grateful I was able to be so close to such an impressive wild animal. I am very conflicted, but in the end I believe my enjoyment of the experience was not worth harming or even annoying a wild creature in its natural habitat. I feel bad that I did it and vow to never do anything like that again.
Have I depressed all 3 of you readers enough? Great, here's some pictures.
Also, one of the funnest parts was running wildly and shrieking in my bikini and floppy hat and sandals through the small jungle thicket to get to the secluded beach to avoid the terrible mosquitoes. I am not being facetious. Something that small made me feel very much like an alive person living on this planet. Alive and lucky to be on a beautiful island, lucky to have a credit card, lucky to be young and healthy, lucky to be born in a country where so much was set up for me, lucky to be bitten by mosquitoes, lucky to sit on an island and for just a few hours to watch ancient waves gently roll under ancient skies.
Before you read any of this (mom, Beth, Lucy), please note that I had a lovely time and would 100% live on this island. It was absolutely marvelous and I am so goddamn lucky. But I experienced some things that gave me a bit of an exestential crisis and instead of writing about how much I loved it, I am keeping that in my heart and instead felt the need to explore the crisis feeling and I'm glad I did. So please don't think I'm ungrateful for the experience.
OK GO
My lovely cousin Anna (of Spin the Globe Project fame) just left her several month stay in Central America where she was filming a documentary on ethical tourism while also being an ethical tourist, and since we were so close by she came for a visit! She was a huge source of inspiration to me to make this huge move to another country and it was her bravery and confidence in herself (and me!) that made me realize this is a thing that people can actually do. I was so grateful to have her stay with us!
Once she arrived, she proposed we visit Isla Holbox (pronounced "Holbosh") because it is relatively close and it is whale shark season! There are very few places in the world that you can see the whale sharks when they are feeding and they only feed for a few months near us. This was something Anna had always wanted to do and Johnny and want to take advantage of every opportunity and explore all that we can in the time and circumstances that we are so fortunate to be given.
So, I busted out my credit card, found a place for Faye to stay (in a very fancy kennel) and we got in the car and Johnny drove us the 3 hours to Chiquila, a little town where you park your car and then take the ferry to Isla Holbox because no cars are allowed on the island! The drive was pretty and we talked the whole time. Then, we popped some Dramamine and hopped on the ferry. Then we were in Isla Holbox!
It was fiendishly hot and we sweated and walked the 10 minutes to the hostel where we had booked the whale shark tour. I busted out my credit card and we booked the tour for the next morning. We then waited outside for the lady who owns the AirBNB we were staying at to call and give us directions. This took a while. We sat on the steps of the hostel and watched the extremely good-looking Europeans in their swimsuits leisurely stroll out of the hostel and head towards the beach and the sweat started pooling in belly button and then, I am sorry to say, the hunger and the heat drained the very life out of our little party and we became quite bicker-y and a little snapp-y and overall bitch-y (well, some of us did. Johnny disappeared and came back with a coconut with a straw in it and then made jokes and danced. He was probably heat-crazed).
Finally, unable to procure a golf cart taxi (the only taxis on the island! But you have to have their direct number in order to get one! And we had no direct number!) we plodded in the general direction of the AirBNB on an island that we knew nothing of. Along the walk we glimpsed the glittering blue ocean in the distance, between trees, and as the sand slowly coated our legs we began to hallucinate... Just kidding it was fine. I got really stressed and hot and hungry and I was mad because I wasn't in control and my anxiety/general bitchiness got the best of me and I am not proud of myself for being miserable when I should have been so fucking appreciative of the life I have and the opportunities I followed and was given that allow me to visit a fucking gorgeous island. I am very sorry for my behavior and am ashamed of myself for being such a whiny, entitled jerk baby. Thank goodness for dancing Johnny.
We found the damn place and we threw all of our stuff down and it was very cute and beach-y and the secluded beach was only a 3 minute walk away I COULD TASTE IT but we were starving so we had to traipse back to the center and ate food and then walked back and THEN WE GOT TO THE BEACH OMG IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. The island is on the Mexican Caribbean so the waters are turquoise and crystal clear and the sand is pure white and it was an absolute dream. The beach by our Airbnb was isolated and beautiful and the most people we saw on the entire stretch was maybe 4.
The next morning we walked to the hostel bright and early and met our tour guide for the whale sharks! We hopped on the boat with 2 Swedish guys, 3 Swedish girls (separate parties) and 2 American ladies who were bilingual. I guess everyone was bilingual on that boat except for us now that I think about it. Americans, am I right?
We all popped some Dramamine and we were off! It was extremely uncomfortable and fast and that was about 2 hours. I felt a little sick but then felt better and finally WHALE SHARKS! This part was actually upsetting. It turns out that all the tour boats just go looking for the feeding pod and when they find it, they tell all the other boats and everyone circles the feeding pod and then the guide tells you to put on your flippers and your snorkel and get ready to go in pairs. Each pair only gets about 5 minutes in the water with the whale sharks. As soon as we started hastily getting ready and everyone was very excited and frantic, I felt my anxiety peak and I knew this was bad for the animals and I hated it. I turned to Johnny and said I can't do it. He said are you sure? And I felt in my heart it was wrong but I knew that I was there and I had to do it. A very strange moment of knowing in your gut something is wrong but still choosing to do it.
Also I should note at this time that I have never snorkeled before.
Ever.
The pairs began taking their turns. The whale sharks are absolutely massive (and completely harmless) and they swim about seemingly leisurely just at or below the surface with their cute mouths open as the suck in their food. Watching their backs along the water's surface was surreal - that we were directly above these massive animals who lived in a world so foreign and I was about to take a peek into this world, like steeping into another realm. Finally I looked at Johnny and said ok let's do it and we sat on the edge of the boat and put in our snorkels and a whale shark glided right by the boat and the guide said GO GO GO and we jumped in and I immediately swallowed sea water and began panicking BUT I did see the whale shark just a foot from my face, under the surface where everything is blue and like a dream you've already had, watching the massive tail swish to the side seemingly slowly but suddenly it was gone and the guide yelled BACK TO THE BOAT BACK and we swam back to the boat and climbed back on.
I felt elated, disgusted, sick, euphoric. The salt water coated my mouth and the boats swirled all around the whale sharks and all the guides on all the boats shouted GO GO to all the tourists jumping in the water to float above the whale sharks and the oceans slowly heated and the whale sharks decreased in number and the guides took their money to their families and the tourists got back on the planes.
I felt otherwordly and seasick and I wondered what a whale shark would say to me if I could suddenly read it's mind, like the snake in the cage in Harry Potter, trapped there unable to communicate and suddenly able to and knowing that only one person could hear it. I decided the whale shark wouldn't say anything. It would just roll its eyes and swim away.
Then Johnny threw up over the side of the boat.
So I asked Anna if she would like to go with me again instead, as Johnny was incapacitated. At the next turn, we jumped in again, and I didn't try to keep up with the whale shark as he swam away, I just held my breath (still unable to get my brain to understand how to breathe while my eyes were underwater) and watched his glistening gray body slide away into the deep blue.
I told him I was sorry, but he didn't care what I thought.
On the way back, Johnny turned white and kept his eyes shut. An hour in he suddenly became better and enjoyed the ride. We stopped at a shallow area where a lot sea life was swimming around. We all jumped in and I finally got the hang of snorkeling. Literally had to scream into my own brain "YOU CAN BREATHE IT IS OK JUST BREATHE SLOW I KNOW THAT YOUR EYES ARE UNDERWATER BUT I PROMISE IT IS OK YOU CAN BREATHE". Had to do this several times. Johnny was very impressive and he even dove down to look closer at the ocean floor. He is very graceful in the water. I love that I married someone who has hidden talents.
Then all the other boats showed up and everyone jumped in and splashed about and yelled "TURTLES" or "SHARKS" (small, harmless nurse sharks) and splashed over and onto each other.
It was lovely just paddling away from everyone, my ears and eyes underwater where I couldn't hear or see anyone, not looking for anything, not following any animal. It was awful knowing I had no right or reason to be there. There was nothing here for me. My being here was only hurtful to the little creatures that wanted to eat. I wanted to shut my eyes and throw away the flippers and the snorkel and the unnatural feeling of it all and swim as fast as I could away from everyone and into the ocean and not stop.
I know this has taken a dark turn. I had a really terrible feeling about it all. I know I may be projecting/being a bit dramatic, but it also feels true, at the core. I just want to be honest.
Anywho - we got back on the boat, went to ANOTHER little adorable island and had fresh ceviche that was prepared on the boat and tasted a bit like gasoline as it was prepared on top of the gasoline tank on the boat on the way to the little island and everyone complained but I thought it was an incredible detail, something only added into books for depth and description and here I was eating fresh ceviche that tasted like fresh ceviche and gasoline on an island and I wasn't in a book, I was in real life. Then I bought a cigarette off an old lady who worked on the island and seemed to be the only inhabitant and she was very grumpy and disdainful and I loved her for it. I smoked a cigarette with the Swedish fellows who were very friendly as I have discovered Swedish tourists to be, and then they went to flirt with the Swedish ladies and talk about partying in Cuba and going to a gigantic nightclub in Cancun. Then I talked to the two American ladies who were best friends and teachers from Texas, though they grew up in Mexico and were bilingual (which was helpful as they translated the finer points the guides were trying to tell us as we got ready to frantically jump in with the whale sharks). They were super nice.
Then we got back on the boat, floated around a mangrove, then went to see some flamingos sitting on a beach, and then headed home. I talked to the Swedish fellows some more, confused as to why they weren't trying to flirt with the Swedish gals more.
The rest of our days there were spent relaxing and putting on copious amounts of bug spray. The mosquitoes on the island were huge and painful and would not get off your skin unless you physically smeared them off of you. Johnny woke up early one morning and watched the sunrise. I like that I married a man who would wake up early to go by himself to watch the sunrise. Later that morning I went with him and we swam for hours on the shallow beach and watched the island dogs be the happiest dogs I have ever seen. They have collars and homes but they just wander the beach and jump in the water and play and chase seagulls and then run back to wherever they live.
It was an incredibly revealing experience. Both devastatingly lovely and terrifically confusing.
Whale sharks are endangered. Our guides seemed to follow most of the rules (can only be in the water 2 at a time plus a guide, do not touch the whale sharks, can only be in the water a short time) but not all (no sunscreen is allowed but they didn't tell the Swedish gals putting on sunscreen to stop, and no jumping in the water is allowed but we all jumped in). I will never bother a wild animal again but will continue to do all I can to support local businesses when I travel. I didn't know it would be so intrusive and make me feel so bad, but I also close my eyes and can see the depth of the blue and the ethereal gray of the whale and I am so grateful I was able to be so close to such an impressive wild animal. I am very conflicted, but in the end I believe my enjoyment of the experience was not worth harming or even annoying a wild creature in its natural habitat. I feel bad that I did it and vow to never do anything like that again.
Have I depressed all 3 of you readers enough? Great, here's some pictures.
Also, one of the funnest parts was running wildly and shrieking in my bikini and floppy hat and sandals through the small jungle thicket to get to the secluded beach to avoid the terrible mosquitoes. I am not being facetious. Something that small made me feel very much like an alive person living on this planet. Alive and lucky to be on a beautiful island, lucky to have a credit card, lucky to be young and healthy, lucky to be born in a country where so much was set up for me, lucky to be bitten by mosquitoes, lucky to sit on an island and for just a few hours to watch ancient waves gently roll under ancient skies.
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| Kissing on a sunset beach |
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| On the ferry to the island |
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| Off of the small island where we ate gasoline ceviche |
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| Beautiful cousin |
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| Beautiful beach |
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| I wish I could live in a floppy hat and a bikini and sea water hair and no makeup but lots of sunscreen and a husband who definitely gave me a peck on the lips an hour after puking and I remembered as soon as we kissed but I didn't even feel grossed out. That's how you know you love someone. There you go world, I've figured it out. |
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| Finally figured out how to snorkel |
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